


Make her a member of the Mythological Crew

by ophidianpoet



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Psychotropic Drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 20:24:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1111124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ophidianpoet/pseuds/ophidianpoet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The satyr, Jack, had seen his girlfriend, Queen of the Black Harpies, running off with the white unicorn Doc Scratch, and he couldn't stand it. <br/>Wait, what?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make her a member of the Mythological Crew

"That two-timing harpy!” Jack snarled, throwing his empty wine-skin at a tree. His (apparently now “ex”) girlfriend, the queen of the black harpies, had been seen with the unicorn, Doc Scratch, and Jack couldn’t stand it. The satyr stomped his hooves in empty, alcohol-fueled rage before throwing himself down against a tree and sulking.   
From the other side of the tree trunk, Jack’s associate Draco slithered forth, glancing disdainfully at the mess Jack’s tantrum was making.

"Sseemss like ssomeone got ssnubbed again." Draco hissed, forked tongue flickering mockingly in Jack’s direction.The satyr scowled.

"Fuck off, you pretentious goddamn naga, go crawl back in your hole." Jack snapped.

Draco raised a scaled brow, folding his arms slowly. “How racisst. Everyone knowss we don’t live in holess.”

Jack merely stuck his tongue out in an expression of disgust, when something landed on his head, grabbed one of his horns, and swung down to the ground. 

“Hello, Courtyard.” Draco greeted.

"Draco! Hi!" a tiny voice from the ground chirped, and the naga bent low, extending a hand to the brownie, Courtyard Droll, who then clambered up the naga’s arm and sat on his shoulder, gently kicking his feet. 

"Whassa matter boss? You’re lookin’ a little more sour than usual. Somebody break your panpipes?" Courtyard asked.

"I DON’T PLAY THE FUCKIN’ PANPIPES, DAMNIT!" Jack shouted, attracting the attention of the Minotaur, Hegemonious Brute, who had been looking for the three of them this whole time (navigation was never a minotaur’s strong suit). 

"Extra-sensitive about ‘cher music today, huh? You get dumped or somethin’?" Brute asked, tapping his battle axe on the shoulder of his leather armor.

Jack rolled his eyes. “Guess I can now call this meeting of morons to order, all aboard the idiot wagon…” he sighed, and motioned them all closer. “Alright, here’s the plan. We go to Unicorn Mansion tonight, and show Scratch and those green assholes who really runs this magical forest…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Midnight Crew woke up hours later back in their hideout, draped across various pieces of furniture. A half-eaten pot of fettuccine alfredo (with what Clubs would have sworn were regular mushrooms) sat on the coffee table, with four empty pasta bowls and forks scattered about the room. From on top of the bookcase, Slick groaned “Who th’ hell did the cookin’…wait it was Deuce, yeah? Deuce. Deuce what the fuck.”

Clubs Deuce silently picked up a fork and went back to eating the now-cold pasta, letting Droog answer for him. “Yes, and I believe he said he got the mushrooms from Clover. Who…probably got them from Die, that’s just a guess.” Droog narrowed his eyes, watching Clubs stare in amazement at a wall, continuing to trip his little ass off.

"So the Felt gave us some psychedelic goddamn mushrooms. Fine, four can play at that game, right fellas? Think it’s time we went up to Felt Mansion and took them on a little magic carpet ride, how ‘bout it?" Slick quipped, eagerly looking around the room. Instead of willing and able gangsters, however, all he got was Droog rubbing his temples and lighting a cigarette, Hearts laying on the floor and occasionally moaning, and Clubs, who was slowly going back to being a brownie.

Slick jumped down from the bookcase, shoving his hat on his head. “Okay, okay. Somebody lock Deuce in his room with some juice and a note or something, I’ll go beat up Die.”


End file.
